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How my quest to end up on Barnes and Noble bookshelves was a fail, but then it happened after all.

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In the fall of 2017, I experienced a major life change that afforded extra free time. I wanted to do something exciting that felt productive and meaningful. So after learning about NanoWrimo, I decided to write more.

Then after winning nano —  which basically means you write 50k+ words — I kept going with my new-found obsession. Yes, obsession. Never a dabbler, I threw myself into the pursuit, confident of near-term success.

I knew nothing about the publishing industry, nor did I have a realistic picture of my own abilities. 

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Heck, I probably figured I’d see my debut on a Barnes & Noble shelf by the end of the year. 🙂

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During 2018 I wrote over 400,000 words. It was probably closer to 500,000 if you count deleted words, freelancing, and occasional blog posts. The body of work amounted to five full-length manuscripts — most of which will never see the light of day.

It was a rollercoaster; there were some serious highs and lows. Low: an editor telling me to find a new hobby after reading an excerpt of book one. High: by book five, I’ve had tons of agent interest.

This sounds like the warmup to a JK Rowling story. 

The part where I humble-brag how I’m not worthy, #blessed, after a massive contract. Instead, a visible payoff never came. No offers. At least not yet. 

Let me back up. Like a lot. 

For the last ten years, I had traveled the world racing IRONMAN, coaching, and turning what I loved into a career. My husband and I took over management of our triathlon club and started Energy Lab, a cycling and coaching studio. I wrote for triathlon publications, and turned my passion into a full-time career. 

Then I decided to pursue fertility treatments. Not just the take-a-pill kind, but the four egg retrievals in six months variety. Life as I knew it was upended. All the sudden, most of the ways I spent my time were off the table. 

No more six hour bike rides, or long runs in the summer heat. Even if I’d wanted to, the extra hormones made me so short of breath, it was pure misery. 

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I needed a new hobby and stat. Enter writing. 

A journalism major, I’d done a fair bit of writing, contributing to industry publications like Triathlete Magazine and Women’s Running. 

But fiction. That was something else entirely. 

My first attempt at a full-length novel, which I chronicled in a recent Medium story, was a full-fledged disaster. It was half as long as it should have been, in a genre that didn’t exist, with a plot that made no sense. 

Need I go on?

I was naive enough to query that one [facepalm], but before long, I’d improved enough to start a new book.

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And trust me, if I ever contact those agents again, I will use a different email address.

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 Next, I wrote a women’s fiction novel. Then a romance. That’s three if you’re paying attention. 

During this same period of time, I’d gotten a contract for a narrative nonfiction, a part how-to, part inspiration for women who want to tackle their first triathlon. 

I looked at those first three books as “practice” for Courage to Tri. 

For my next [fourth] attempt at fiction, I set out to write a book that was publishable. This time I chose the thriller genre. I wrote it in a week and, as that feat suggests, it was again terrible. 

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But after four books, something had changed. When I looked back, I could see what was terrible. And I had ideas on how to fix it.

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I edited it, garnered feedback, and revised. Over an over again. And then it was…improved. I went to a few conferences, won a few pitch contests. I got to the point where my queries garnered a sizable number of requests. Some of those partial requests turned into full requests, too. 

In other words, I got better. Even though I still haven’t gotten a contract for fiction. At least not yet!

Was the experiment a failure? I’d say not. After all, if the point of writing isn’t to spread your message and get better —both of which I did in spades — than what is it?

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Here’s what I gained from writing more [besides really sore fingers].

Here are other benefits I experienced from all that rejection: 

I learned what good looks like

I didn’t know my first draft of my first practice book was terrible. I thought I had something new that had never been done. Right.

I became better at collaboration

I once switched my major to avoid group work. I really dislike it. Although I’d expected writing to be a pleasantly solitary activity, it isn’t. In fact, I made dozens of amazing writer friends — plenty of ambitious, smart women also experiencing heart-wrenching rejection on a near-daily basis. 

I grew a thicker skin

On my first revision of my first book, I hired an editor from a freelancing site. She offered criticism so harsh, it stopped just short of “you should throw this out and never write another word.”

Sure, it stung a bit. But I also felt relief. The worst that could happen, did. And it wasn’t that bad. 

I stopped caring so much about what others think

In the beginning , I figured once you were rejected a couple of times, you were done. If say, five agents don’t like your book then you should burn it. Through my writer friends, I learned rejection is something to be celebrated. That you must achieve 100 rejections to consider putting aside a book. Also, that this shelving is rarely permanent. 

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What’s different for 2019?

As a new mom of twins, I won’t have time to write half a million words. Some days I can’t get into the headspace to recall the grocery list. Still, what I do write will surely benefit from last year’s crash course. 

Also, I probably won’t get dozens of rejections — in writing or in life — but if I do it doesn’t mean I should give up. 

I recently learned that Courage to Tri made it to some Barnes and Noble shelves, so in a way I’ve already met my goal. But even if my fiction never makes it to shelves, my resolve to keep chasing dreams has strengthened forever.

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Hey there! I’m Bethany–coach, author, twin mom, and goal-getter. My mission: motivate you to boldly goal — define dreams and reach them — in fitness, faith, business, mom life, + creative pursuits. Join me.

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