Confession: My Secret Training for an Unusual Event

Published by Bethany on August 7, 2017August 7, 2017

I have a confession to make, I’ve been secret training for an event. And not just an ordinary event,  it’s a really long one. Longer than RAAM, or ultraman, or even the Tour. Training for this event is a little out of the ordinary compared to my usual two IRONMAN races a year. Instead, it involves potentially involves skipping Saturday morning bike rides, adopting Sadie’s run pace as my semi-permanent pace, and hiding in my car injecting drugs in my stomach in a state park like I did today.

At first, I didn’t want to tell anyone at all. Then the start date for my prep began to approach and that’s when things got weird. I had to make excuses for my abnormal behavior. I got vague during future based discussions.  And I started realizing that keeping things a secret was unsustainable and a recipe for misery. So instead I decided to tell everyone.

So here it goes, John and I are embarking on an IVF journey. This has been on our minds for the last several years, but it was only recently that we found out it would be necessary if we wanted to pursue the goal of having biological child(ren).  After that though there was always another event or race that pushed things off. “Oh we’ll think about it after xy or z. ”  We’re busy, there is this trip or project coming up, etc. There is always a reason not to start. Then before you know it, I am nearly up on another birthday!

The older you get, the faster time seems to go. And while I was never sure I would have children, John and I would both have regrets if we didn’t give it a fair try. And a fair try involves trying everything we’re comfortable with that’s available.

The idea of IVF is nuts! The whole process is super interesting to learn about and I’ve enjoyed doing research and finding more about the boxes of drugs that fill my refrigerator. And I’ve gotten fairly desensitized to the poking and prodding to an extent. So really then the major barrier (besides the pain of forking over #allthemoney), was wanting to keep the whole thing to myself and the impossibility of that.

Much like my friend who’s tell would be be lack of participating in frequent client and happy hours. She actually fooled everyone for some crazy number of month by  doing things like ordering a beer and filling it with water. I do think that’s amazing and she had some great reasons for doing that. For myself,  I assumed that I would also spend as many months as possible “filling my beer bottle with water” (except making excuses for not doing crazy athletic adventures instead of an actual beer bottle with water), but there is a downside. So I can look unmotivated or uninterested in the things I used to be obsessed with for no reason at all? Better to give a reason that is like, the ultimate excuse for anything. Plus, then I started thinking of the opportunity of the situation.

Here, more specifically, are the reasons that I decided to tell everyone about our ‘event’

• I couldn’t think of great (pretend) excuses for why I don’t suddenly want to join in on an awesome mountain cycling adventure, or sign up for a 50 mile trail race this winter.   I went from being up for any six hour bike ride or redic early morning session to being what can only be called a training slacker. And it all makes sense now that you know why. But without knowing why I felt this weird need to come up with another excuse that would pass.
• Triathlon coaching involves leading by example. And lately this example has been well, a lame example.  For instance, I haven’t swam in a month. Then I jumped into a race today and swam really slow and could barely make the 400 yards.  Duh. I would generally tell people not to do that, but I prefer things to be do as I do, rather than do as I say.
• Other female athletes are out there hunting for information about this topic. I mean, have you ever looked at the women’s forum on Slowtwitch? Eight years ago, I wasn’t very interested in those topics.  But now that I’m of childbearing age (haha.. that’s a joke. But seriously I feel like I only just became mature enough to consider this) I see the value that sharing can have.
• I have no problems with sharing any part of the process other than my general aversion to over-sharing. So if I believe that sharing will help others and I also have no reason not to share, it follows that I should, well, share!

So I could either fill my beers with water (aka make excuses every Saturday morning I don’t feel like I should or want to go for some crazy bike ride) or I could just tell the truth and help others. And I might as well have some fun while doing it!

A very good friend, Michelle Crossman,  has gone through IVF and during that time  was always trying to find out the experiences of others, specifically female athletes. And while there are certainly a great many athletes and wonderful people we know or know of who’ve gone through this process, there is a real dearth of public information available on the experience of female athletes during pregnancy.

Yes, we have the example of three of the best triathletes in the world currently, Gwen Jorgensen, Chrissie Wellington, and Miranda Carfrae. But just because Gwen runs 100 miles a week during pregnancy doesn’t mean I will or you will. Maybe I’ll be on bedrest, or maybe I’ll have some mountain adventures after all. But right now I’m determined to look at this as another adventure.

I’m fortunate to have a great team of people on my side. First and foremost my husband, John, who has been very supportive already and I know will continue through this process. Also my great friend, Michelle, who also doubles as my life manager (that’s for another post) and fertility counselor. She’s going through this journey as well and I’m hoping she’ll be up for doing some guest posts along the way. John’s and my family are also supportive. We have a great RE and team of medical professionals. We have other friends who’ve gone on similar journeys.

All in all I have many things I’m looking forward to over the coming weeks. I’m looking forward to experiencing this process for myself.  I’m looking forward to the additional time I’ll have over the coming weeks to work on my book, mine and Kathryn’s podcast,  and some new ideas for energy lab I obtained at the Endurance Coaching Summit. I’m also looking forward to having more time for music production. Finally, I’m REALLY looking forward to celebrating my athletes’ achievements in their upcoming big races of the season.

Next post, I’ll delve more into how we got to this point (IVF) and where we are now in the process!