Are you having trouble celebrating successes, thinking they’re not big or worthy enough? Here’s a simple way to combat this self-defeating habit along with some writing encouragement.

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And just like that you find yourself sprinting, trying to catch up.

-Sandra Stanley, The Comparison Trap

Why does it seem like the farther down a road you get, the harder it is to be happy with your accomplishments? Two answers: expectations and comparison.

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Related: The secret trick to writing when stuck

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Learning to celebrate your wins

When I first began racing triatlon, I craved accomplishment and excitement. I inherently enjoyed competing with myself, striving to reach goals that seemed impossible. Triathlon was a stream of endless dopamine hits with every session checked off and every PR reached. Endurance sports helped me achieve a flow state and took the edge off my type A personality.

Over the next few years, external rewards began to play a greater role, and eroded my inherent enjoyment of the sport. I was like the rat pushing the lever in the Skinner Box— sometimes the push would lead to a reward (a good race), but other times I was left unsatisfied.

Eventually, even if I performed well, it felt hollow and unsatisfying. Instead of being happy with success, I focused on areas where I was lacking. I never—not even one time—finished a race and thought, “I am proud of how I did.” Even if I won, I would secretly think “it was only because so-and-so didn’t show up” or “everyone else was tired from training.”

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How I learned to celebrate the wins a second time

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When I got the contract for my first book, I thought there was a mistake. I wasn’t worthy. I didn’t want to tell anyone, thinking how embarrassing to later admit it wasn’t real.

Then there was a mixup and delay on the publishing date, while I was in the hospital on bedrest. I figured I screwed up the whole thing. And it got worse…

Then I was giving birth to twins–three months early–during my book launch party. So I’d bombed the launch and barely cared. Now no one would ever read my book.

Next, I was a new mom to medically fragile boys. I couldn’t string together a coherent tweet much less inspire anyone. Maybe I should just forget about the whole thing.

Yesterday, I received my first royalty statement, and I saw my book at #LBF19. I am an author and people read my book. So, what does this mean to you?

These examples illustrate a challenge we also face in writing, in parenting, and our careers. Namely, celebrating the wins.

Celebrate the Wins

Last year, my husband’s business coach encouraged him to begin celebrating wins both big and small. It’s a simple action we’ve found leads to more positivity in general. It’s all too easy to dwell on the things that go wrong instead of right.  It’s something we’ve done together ever since. It doesn’t mean we’re pulling out the balloons and cake every day; rather, we’re simply verbally expressing or writing down small successes.

At first, I discovered my definition of a “win” was too stringent. Writing one thousand words didn’t feel like a win when I wanted to write three thousand. Twenty minutes of jogging wasn’t satisfying when I hoped to achieve forty-five.

Eventually, I realized my expectations were interfering with recognizing accomplishments. I was putting crazy pressure on myself—not happy unless I hit an arbitrary high-bar goal. In contrast, celebrating the small wins necessitates being kinder to yourself—something that’s easy to say but challenging to do.

It is possible to be happy but not satisfied. I encourage you, from the beginning of your endurance sports journey, to start recognizing wins both big AND small.

Takeaway: Get in the habit of celebrating wins daily, whether it’s sharing them with accountability partners, journaling, or something else. If you’re setting yourself up for success with mini-goals and checkpoints, you should be experiencing wins on a regular basis. Got up and made it to the pool this morning (even if your swim wasn’t awesome)? That’s a win! Got in a workout, even if it was interrupted midway by a call from your boss? That’s a win, too.

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What are your best tips to avoid the comparison trap? Are there certain areas in which you struggle more than others?

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Next Up: How to write when you’re not in the mood.

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